Research shows that just 1 in 5 UK families feel able to talk openly about family inheritance. Which means that 80% of us won’t discuss a subject that can have a deeply profound effect on our lives.

Despite this, almost 40% of Britons admit to altering their behaviour around older relatives in order to boost their inheritance prospects.

Not talking openly and honestly about inheritance whilst surreptitiously altering behaviour? It paints a pretty dysfunctional picture of the average family.

So, the big question is: How do you break this cycle and make sure that you can discuss these important issues with your family in a constructive and positive manner?

Rebekah Hillman LLB (Hons), says:

“In our experience, people don’t like raising the subject of inheritance with family members because they are worried that it will make them look grasping. They worry that it looks like they’re secretly thinking about what they will get.

It can certainly be an awkward conversion, especially if you have complicated family dynamics to contend with.

It’s an emotional subject, but it is a crucial conversation and one you must have to protect your parents.”

With all that in mind, Rebekah has found that the best approach to having these difficult discussions is to take a hands-off approach.

 “The best approach is to simply say to mum and dad: “are you organised?” If they are then that’s great, you can leave it at that.

If they haven’t got their affairs in order, then tell them you know someone who can help and book in a consultation with an inheritance planner.”

Brining in a 3rd party will defuse tension as they will guide your parents through the conversation, asking them all the right questions, so you don’t have to.”

Simply asking your parents “are you organised?” is the easiest and least emotional way of broaching the subject.

Then, just get in touch with a good local will writer and let them guide your family through the process.

We even recommend that you don’t speak about the subject until the meeting has finished.

“We always recommend that you do nothing to prepare for an initial consultation with a will writer,” says Rebekah.

“When you start thinking about these things you can get bogged down in the detail and feel overwhelmed.

“A good will writer will guide you through the whole process and you’ll be surprised at how much you all know already.”

 “There’s no need to worry about having to go into too much detail either. When making a will, you do not need to put down any hard details about the financial value of assets allowing you to think about how things are shared without having to dwell on numbers. “

In summary – the best way to speak to you family about inheritance is to bring in a 3rd party, like a local will writer, let them take control of the meeting, and don’t spend time thinking or preparing for the it beforehand.

Hillman Legal Partnerships has been writing wills for families since 2007. We specialise in Wills and Probate, including Trusts, Lasting Power of Attorney, Guardianship and Inheritance Tax. We are members of the Society of Will Writers and fully comply with their Code of Practice.